Sometimes God Makes Me Nervous.

I think he can see right through me.

Sometimes I wish I could hide from God. I don’t want Him to see how weak I am or the sins that I have committed.

I was sitting alone at my computer trying to come up with some brilliant material for an article on how to communicate with God when the thought occurred to me that God made me nervous. Far from searching for him, I think I have been spending most of my time running away from what I perceive to be His judgmental gaze. How weak can I be – how lacking of faith of me?

I know in my heart that God will forgive me for my sins, but to my mind they are so monumental that I still worry. I worry that God will recognize my sins. That he will see how selfish and self absorbed I really am, I worry that my faith in God won’t be strong enough to overcome my fears. I doubt. It seems to me that my doubt is the only constant theme to my search for God. Am I alone in my doubts and fears? Do you have doubts and fears too? Are you worried that God will see right through you?

In spite of my nervousness and fears, I have come to the conclusion that it’s all right to question one’s faith in God. I have decided that for myself it is an occupational hazard in my search for God. What about you, do you question your faith? Does God make you nervous? Are you afraid He will see right through you?

It’s all right. God knows our fears. He feels our pain. He understands our nervousness. I believe He is willing to forgive us for our weaknesses. In the meantime I will continue my search for God I think that my search for God is the only thing that will bring me peace of mind.