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© Copyright Arthur Levine
Keywords: Desire, God, New Beginning, Faith, Holidays
I could feel it stirring in me. Pulsing stronger and stronger. I wanted it more than I had ever wanted anything before. I desired it. I craved it. All I had to do was to reach out and grab it when no one was looking.
I was ten years old, and it was the most beautiful, powerful yellow water pistol I had ever seen in my whole life. I tried to tell myself that the toy storeowner would never miss it, but I knew better. I tried to tell myself that I would come back some day and pay for it. The price tag said it was only $3.98. Maybe I could save that much from my allowance, but I knew I wouldn’t.
I just took it anyway. I jammed it into my book bag. I gave into my desire. I could feel the drumbeat in my head saying, tom, tom; you’re a bad boy. Tom, tom, you’re a bad boy.
I ran almost all of the way home. The fear and the guilt was really getting to me. Later that evening I lay in my bed wondering what to do. That drumbeat just kept going on and on in my head. I think I can still feel it now; that tom, tom beat of desire and guilt all mixed together.
When I woke up in the morning, I ran out into the back yard and buried my beautiful water pistol in a little hole I dug, and then covered it up with dirt so no one would ever discover that I was a sinner. I never got to enjoy that water pistol, and I never got over feeling guilty about taking it. There are some drumbeats of conscience that don’t go away.
I am all grown up now some people would say. And when the dreaded tom, tom beat of desire grabs hold of me for one reason or another, I remember my toy water pistol. I remember how guilty I felt. I have learned to control my emotions most of the time, but not to quell them. There is so much more I want to learn and to do, but it has to be the right way.
If only I knew what was all right to do. If only those dreaded drumbeats would go away. For now I think I have things under control, but nobody knows when the drumbeats of desire will hit again. Nobody knows how he or she will react. Is any one ever really in control, or is God the only one that is truly in control.
As we enter this season of new beginnings, can you honestly say that you can control your emotions, passions and desires? You may be marching to a different drumbeat than I, but there are still things you want and desire, aren’t there? How do you know when it is all right to reach out and grab them?
I think the best way to decide what is right from what is wrong is to ask yourself, “What would God want me to do?”
If you have enough faith I am sure you will come up with the right answer. Enjoy the holidays. The best is yet to come. It’s going to give all of us sinners the opportunity for a new beginning.
Hi. I am Arthur Levine, the author of the novel Johnny Oops. To read more of my articles and excerpts from my novel please access: http://johnnyoops.blogspot.com