Monday, June 22, 2009

Chapter 2 - Control Freak - Excerpt Magic of Faith

The narrator, I Glorious, is a Magic Genie Faith Builder.

You wouldn’t believe how much mail I am getting.

One reader wrote saying that while he did find me irascible and sort of irrepressible, he did not find me in the least irreverent and he was disappointed. Wait, I am just getting warmed up.

Another would be reader wrote asking if having Faith would get him off the pills he was taking for some unknown illness that had rendered him impotent. I already told you people that I don’t do diseases and I don’t do sex. I am a Faith builder not a Faith healer. I have no body. I am nobody and the only thing I know about sex is the result of vicarious experiences from other people’s hi jinks. Believe me, none of it was very thrilling. Please don’t make me repeat myself. My life span is infinite and I could end up saying the same thing hundreds of thousands of times.

Some foreign reader wrote to me in French. I have no idea what he was talking about. I only remember a few words of French which were part of my title when I was in the mind of some big Whig who was a Minister Without Portfolio during the French Revolution. If you want to ask me a question please write to me in English or Spanish. I do speak a little Spanish from the character I am presently playing in a novel called The Magic Pill. I don’t understand why all people can’t speak a common language. They all have the same hopes, desires and dreams

Who was the nitwit that wrote saying certain religions don’t believe in Magic. Why can’t you cowards leave your name? I don’t give a damn what the rules are or what the hell you think for that matter. There, is that irreverent enough for you. I am prepared to use any trick in the book, and that includes the Big Book to make you have Faith. I will use any gimmick I can think of. I am a Gimmicktician you know, an inventor of words as you can see, and am proud of it.

You may think I am trifling with your emotions with all the Q & A, but I am only trying to get you relaxed enough so that you will be able to handle the Faith building lessons I am about to give you.

Lesson Number 1 – Think of someone you know who is worse off than you are. Try and help them anonymously. That means don’t let them know it is you that is helping to make their life a little better. That way they won’t end up hating you for your act of charity. You have to have Faith this will help you in the long run because no one is going to know about it in the near term. This way at least when you add up what you have done with your life you won’t end up feeling like a total Zero. Yes, I am condescending. It is my nature. There, don’t you feel better already?

Lesson Number 2 – If you are scared of the dark, close your eyes and think of the sun beaming down on you on a bright sandy beach with clear blue waters lapping at the shore. This will probably work until you open your eyes and see that it is still dark. It is best to relax and go to sleep having Faith that when you wake up in the morning you will be facing a bright tomorrow. I love this, don’t you?

Lesson Number 3 – Don’t be afraid to think with your heart as well as your mind. I am controlling what is going on now so I won’t let you make a mistake, at least not a big one. If you mess up anyway don’t worry. Having Faith means being willing to take chances, No one is perfect. Everyone messes up some of the time. There, doesn’t knowing its OK to make a mistake make you feel less tense? Aren’t you happier now?

Stop trying to be perfect. Stop trying to do everything right. Life includes many randomly selected outcomes. Like everything else this is God’s will. The only one I know that is nearly perfect is me. Since I am working with your mind now this is about as close to perfect as you are going to get. Don’t you feel better knowing this? This Faith building thing has it’s own rewards.

Lesson 4 – Never give people more than 4 lessons in any one session. It is tempting fate. Most people can’t remember more than 4 things at a time. Do you remember what we just talked about? Don’t worry sometimes I don’t remember either. I am constantly distracted with all your thoughts jabbering at me at the same time. Just be patient. Eventually your brain waves will stop competing with everyone else, and you will be able to listen to me only. There, doesn’t that give you peace of mind?

Random Ramblings
I met a businesswoman recently who was a real control freak. She always had to be in control of everything; her husband, her employees, even her children. She was so intent on being in control that it made her very nervous. She developed a bright red rash on her face replete with whiteheads. Her doctors diagnosed her as having emotionally induced acne. Her employees stopped respecting her so the Board of Directors of her Company demoted her to Company Librarian where she could hide her head in the archives. Her husband left her. Her children were so embarrassed they refused to let her drive them to school and started hitching rides on motorcycles driven by members of the juvenile division of the Hells Angels. She became an emotional wreck and went totally out of control. She dyed her hair purple, green, red and yellow, and dressed in a full-length dungaree jacket with the words – This is the start of the Peacock Revolution silk screened in four colors on the back. No one knew what this meant. No one Cared any more. It just goes to show you that you can’t always be in control. God is the only one who really has control. Relax, life is good. Go with the flow, be Patient, have Faith. Things will work out without you being in the driver’s seat all the time.

To find your Faith you first have to believe in yourself. Start taking tiny steps to build your confidence. How can you believe in the Almighty if you don’t believe in yourself? You were made in his image weren’t you?

Take time to look around. What do you see? People fighting, people with fear in their eyes and terror in their hearts. You don’t see many happy people. That’s because they don’t have Faith. They don’t have a sense of humor. Woe is me, where has all the magic gone. Don’t worry, we are going to find faith together.

To read more about The Magic of Faith please go to

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Maybe God Is An Alien

I know in my heart that God is real and is always with us, but have you ever stopped to consider that the reason He knows everything is that he might be a time traveler who has gone back and forth throughout out history, and therefore knows everything that has happened and will happen to us. Maybe He changes what happens to us as He goes along.

He is definitely, in my opinion foreign to our understanding, and thus in my opinion an alien.

The question, I think, is how much has He been an active participant in our development as opposed to just an observer to the fact of humanities existence.

To my way of thinking He has always been an active creator/participant in our development because he has brought us knowledge in the form of the bible – a code to live by – a distinct set of rules. He wouldn’t have bothered to enlighten us to this extent if He didn’t care about us.

He also brought us dogma, making it easier for primitive entities such as ourselves to have a framework in which to live our lives with relative meaning. God wouldn’t have bothered to do this unless He saw our need for structure in our lives.

I wonder how we appear to God? Do we look like lost souls searching for the meaning of life? Does He feel we will ever reach a point where we will be intelligent enough to understand His meaning and magnificence?

Is God waiting for us to reach a certain point in our development when we will be able to grasp the concept of what He is? Maybe our thirst for knowledge in the form of technology and new computer programs and the theories of quantum computing are all making it possible to draw closer to an understanding of God as opposed to pulling us father apart.

We humans must appear to God, in his travels through the universe, through infinite time, to be a funny lot. We speculate as to His meaning, yet we worship his glory without fully understand why He is the guiding presence in our lives.

Maybe we too one day will advance to a stage where we can travel through space and time, or is the very concept of His having made us in God’s image too difficult for us to fully grasp? Is the idea of God alien to us, or do we have enough faith to believe in the righteousness of what God has in mind for us? Will we ever develop to the point where we understand?

Saturday, January 03, 2009

New Years Reality Check

Are you one of God's creatures or a pawn in a game by a virtual reality game master? Go to to find out.